Front and Centre
by Deathly Betrayal
Summary: No matter how much I want to feel, I won't be able to get that in the end anyway. So... why should I try? /Continuation of Stepford Smiler and Stepford Snarker


**A/N) Excuse you, I'm lazy as heck and I'm on mobile. So there. Ha.**

**This is the third part to three oneshots, the first being 'Stepford Smiler' and the second being 'Stepford Snarker'. It is not a requirement to read them first.**

* * *

I am Equilibrium.

I am meant, am programmed to know my other sides as well as I know the other and know what they feel. I am meant to know what to do in tough situations. I am meant to be completely, utterly emotionless, like the androids found in the Verne Mines, and what Aidan and Xenon are.

It's actually very, very painful, watching them suffer, yet knowing how they feel and how they actually are. It's painful to watch them mask up themselves just so that they are able to fit in with everyone else and to be seen and understood.

.

Eclipse's only wish is to be completely happy in life, isn't it? I can't grant him that, for in the end, his only wants are to be free and to have Sunfire with him. He can't have both. He can't ever have both. If he is free, Sunfire would be killed as payment for that. It's just how he is.

It's just how life is.

So he suffers alone, wishing to be free, distancing himself from his lighter half that had brought him so much hope and life and taught him how to love again. He distances himself from his own heart, and he turns stony cold like he was before.

He's just killing Sunfire all over again, in a different way than he wants it to. At least if he was free, it would be quick and painless. But this is Eclipse we're talking about here. Eclipse won't have a single part of his happiness, no. It's either all of it, or none at all. And he's taking none of it.

But I can't let myself pity him, to be closer to him and feel sympathy. It wouldn't be equal, and I can't stand that. I am Equilibrium. I won't stand for any less. I won't stand for a single miscalculation.

So I end up ignoring it, ignoring his plaintive pleads and begs, his complete wants to simply be free. I can't help him with that. His prison is himself, and only he can set himself free with the price of another. If he won't pay the price, he won't get what he wants. It's that simple.

It's just how life is. Like I am Equilibrium. I will not allow myself to interfere with what other people do or think. He's quite happy inside anyway, I think.

.

Sunfire, on the other hand, only wants to be understood and to be listened to, doesn't he? I can't grant him that. I may know everything about him, but I will not understand a single thing. I cannot understand, because I am him, yet not, and I am unable to feel emotion.

No one would listen to him, because who would listen to a childish weakling? No one. But sometimes, the weaklings have the best ideas. I can't say that about what he does at the moment. I do not agree with his idea of his precious, fake, porcelain masks that can shatter at any moment.

So he suffers alone, in a dank pit where no one is around, all communication cut off. His voicebox ripped brutally from his throat, his hands cut off so that he cannot talk nor sign. No one listens. And he fakes the smiles that he never, ever had.

He's just killing Eclipse, with no apology, no wants spoken. No one listens, and no one understands. At least if Eclipse was free, this light being wouldn't have to deal with such unfair loneliness anymore. His suffering is just drawn out by a selfish owner. Who can say otherwise?

But I can't let myself pity him, to be closer to him and feel sympathy. It wouldn't be equal, and I can't stand that. I am Equilibrium. I will not stand for anything less, nor will I stand for a single miscalculation.

So I end up ignoring it, ignore his begs and his pleas, and his stupid, stupid wants to be understood and for someone to listen to this poor, broken soul's lost wailing. His empty masks that show no emotion at all garner what precious attention he has, but his true self never wins.

He's sad inside anyway, so I don't think he'll care in the end. Am I right, and did I hit any of the marks on the target?

.

What about me, you ask, with my plaintive empty screams and my heated broken threats? I'll never live alone, and you know it. I drive people insane and I am unable to fix anyone, no matter who it is. I am unable to display my emotions for all to see.

Well, why should I care? I want to be Luminous, the selfish prick. I want to have emotions, I want to feel whatever I like. I don't want to be an android all the time. I want to have emotions I can call my own. I want to comfort Sunfire the best I can, and fix him when he's broken like what Eclipse told me to do.

I want to be Sunfire for Eclipse when he sets the rest of us free from each other. I want to be the hyper little twat so that Eclipse wouldn't feel bad about letting us go. I want to make everyone else happier. But I'm chained to this spot, unable to move, unable to speak what I want to.

...But I am Equilibrium. This is my job. I am the balance between their emotions, and as such, I am the emotionless puppet pulled around in this play. I am the one with no proper voice, or maybe no voice at all. I'll never have the courage to say what I want to say.

...But I am Equilibrium. I have to be fair for everyone.

No matter how much I want to feel, I won't be able to get that in the end anyway. So... why should I try?

.


End file.
